| |
|
|
| 07:03pm 01/04/2006 |
| |
I have no luck at all on birthdays. last year Alucard and i didn't celebrate it until real late. This year...I celebrate...in hospital And no, this isn;t some cruel April Fools joke. Though I wish it was. it would seem that I've grown immune to my medicine. So now, I'm in the in patient care becauce my heart's giving me problems. I'm going to be doped up on all kinds of things...
And You-Know-Who...is encouraging me to let him out. Because we're going to be strapped down to one of those beds. I will be, if I don't do what I'm told and relax. I can't just lay around all day. i'll go crazy. And if they DO strap me down...HE will come out...and that's a bad thing...a really REALLY bad thing...
And on top of that..so far...Alucard doen't know. he doen't know I'm on medicine. he doen;t know I admitted myself to the hospital..he just thinks I...took a vacation back home for a bit. That's what the note I left him said. Though I left Vali in his care...Now, i guess he knows...So...Alucard...Baby...forgive me for not telling you...Your fiancee is screwed up on the insides. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 11:39pm 03/03/2006 |
| |
first chicken pox, now...this. I think the chicken pox made this happen. I readmitted myself to the hospital again today cause my chest keep hurting. the doctors say that the murmur got worse, but that if I take the medicine they give me and I rest, it will get back to where it was before.
You-know-who says that he can fix me completely better. But I refuse. I won't make a deal with some...being that decided to make it's home in me. I'll take the medicine like a good boy and rest. ANd I'll get better on my own. Cause I made a promise to Alucard that I'd get better. So i will. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 10:08pm 18/02/2006 |
| |
I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I got...sick. Really sick. I drove myself to the hospital so I wouldn't worry Alucard. They say I have Chicken pox...I itch all over and it just sucks. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 11:02pm 11/02/2006 |
| |
Damn...my hearts been hurting lately. I'm afraid my medication isn;t doing what it should...I think the strain of you-know-who is doing a number on me. I see flashes of him. When I look into the mirror now. We're becoming more and more like. I see his smile.....on my face. and that makes me worry. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 01:39pm 14/01/2006 |
| |
I've not updated in a while. But I got awesome news for those who care. Those who knew me know I was pretty bady neglected a year ago. Well,l today, I stepped on a scale. I did it. I actually did it. I'm well over 100 pounds now. Every day I get healthier.
There's always food in the house, and Vali keeps me excersized with his play and his walkies. Think of it as a nitivity gift for Alucard.
Baby...your boy is going to get better each day just like he promised. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 12:00pm 29/10/2005 |
| |
I know it's a few days early, but I just have to say it now.
Happy Bithday Alucard. I'm going to get you a huge cake with a very...nice filling. ME! Always wanted to pop out of a cake..so I'm popping out of yours. Have a happy birthday, baby. I love you. And Vali loves you too. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 06:01pm 09/10/2005 |
| |
It would seem that with the departure of the other boy, the chains I've been held in for so long are so much weaker. Yet my heart pains me. For his absence is also the absence of someone of mine.
I feel the madness once again. I was always a little unbalanced. Most Tricksters are...but I...well...I feel myself slipping more and more. Yesterday, I stretched my power and just messed with things. Still just Illusions. Yet I long to make them reality.
I have used them for my host as well. He gbets into more trouble than I did. without his own calming force. I think the police will never be the same. How many people have I sent to the asilum now screaming of chains and fire and a voice of twisted gold...I've lost count. But I do enjoy making him walk to bad parts of town, just to see his reaction when he comes too. Poor boy. He shoudl know I'll never let him be hurt. To hurt him is to harm me. I can't have that, now can I.
But now that I've got so much control, I've been enjoying myself. Searching for ways to get my children back with me. My poor children who never deserved any of this... Daddy misses his little girl and his little boys.
I have also amused myself in other ways... liek this...
( I'm a god...NOT a demon...despite popular openion ) too true, too true. But now I must depart. I think I shoudl let my host rest. Or more approperately force him too. Between the two of us...his body gets little sleep. Perhaps...perhaps I'll burn down that lab of his next chance I get. He spends way way too long in that place.
--- Loki Jotan |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 04:20pm 04/05/2005 |
| |
right..So..an update. I quit my job. I don't want to work for those jackasses any more! You Know Who was right all along. He said they were just using me. He said he knew all too well what they were doing. The kind of people they really were. But Hell if I listened. I think..when he talk like that, I'm going to start to listen to his inane ramblings.
They were so using me. Cause they think I'm young and dumb. They think they could make me do all the work and take the credit for themselves. I am not their lab rat. I don't care HOW brilliant they think I am. If I'm not good enough to be allowed into their college, than I'm not good enough to be working in their pathetic excuse for a lab! Laars is taking his ball, or in this case, his amazing little mind and his nifty little equasions and going home!! Where it and I'm appreciated!
I think I'll stop by the arcade first and take my frustrations out on DDR or Wak-a-mole.
In good new, I still can't get over my engagement. Makes me feel so happy. I think later on, I'll even get up the courage to knock on my...brother-in-law to be's door and talk to him. Just talk to Alucius. Maybe we can let bygone be bygons, for Alucard's sake.
In better news. You Know Who is...positively incoherent! I think we've finally done it. We've finally broken him. Sometimes, there's broken sobbing and manic laughter. Other times there's brilliant flashes of frightening lucidity. Like with the Job thing. I don't know what's caused it. But I think it's our engagement ring. And I think...I know what I'm going to do with my saved up paychecks from work. I'm getting Alucard a ring too. So we both have one. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 03:48pm 30/04/2005 |
| |
Booya!!! How do you like that biznatch!! Try to take over my jounral or me anymore.
In other news. I'm engaged. That's right!! Alucard perposed to me last night. Gave me a ring and everything. He said the runes on it bings his heart and mien forever and beyong. Alucard game me an unbreakable chain to him. I love him so damned much.
The smooth bastard actually made me speechless. ME!! That's now much him perposing means to me. Even if I can't wear white... even if certain in-laws can't stand me. Screw them! I have what I want. I have a husband...just as soon as he graduates.
Happiest freaking day of my entire life. Cloud nine over here and moving sight on to infinity.
--- Asano Laars..
PS: Gods I love the sound of that~~ |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 03:45pm 30/04/2005 |
| |
I...am going to kill them. Both of them. Something...happened last night while I was loacked awy in hi shead. Something...I'm so tired...By arms feel like lead. I...can;t move. I..barely have enough control of this body as it is. I...I'm anout to loose my foothold again.
A...Alastair. Magus....my chakels have become heavier. I...can no longer hold.They...they've...... |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 10:57pm 29/04/2005 |
| |
Damn..it;s been a while hasn't it...I've been so damded busy. I have work now, and I have to keep my grades up and then there's all the other stuff I wanna do. I think there aren't enough hours in the day anymore. I suppose this is what they call reponsibility...
Don't think I like it much. No time for anything. No time for fun. no time at all.
Time though to discover the joys of You Know Who. I've found a very good use for him...He scares away unwanted selisitors. not gonna tell Alucard that though..else he wouldn't want me going back to work. but there are some college aged people, some guys who saw me with Alucard wants in my pants.
Think I had a stalker for a bit...Got a mail asking me to cyber even...Not gonna happen. You Know Who had fun with it though. I think the dude thinks he's insane now. Don't really know what he did to the guy...All I know is next time I saw him, he ran a screaming. Oh well...time for work... |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 06:28pm 29/04/2005 |
| |
Your Birthdate: April 1 |
Your birthday suggests that are executive ability and leadership qualities in your makeup.
A birthday on day 1 of any month gives a measure of will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach.
This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush.
You may be sensitive, but your feelings stay rather repressed. |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 08:52pm 14/04/2005 |
| |
I took this test thiny. I forgot to put up the results but I remembered the letters. So here it is..Another perosnlaity thingy
( ESTP ) |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 08:35pm 14/04/2005 |
| |
A joke
( nuns and stuff )
hmmm...that gives me..ideas. I wonder if Alucard likes...Penguins. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 01:05am 10/04/2005 |
| |
Well, I...talked to Alucard. It's a no go on the house warding. it's far too dangerous. it's nto a very good idea at all. Not in the slightest. For either of us. Face it...we would have to go outside sometime..and when we did..WAMMO...all hell would break loose becuase we were keeping them trapped.
it's be better...it's be much better if you could ward people. If I got spelled and warded and whatnot...then I'd be a walkign scantuary. Then he'd have to stay locked up inside my head. That's a much better idea. Though..I..his laughing is really starting to worry me. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 12:11pm 08/04/2005 |
| |
Shu...You so lied to me. Lyca's cool. I like her. And I love that place. That bar of hers is really nice. And...it's got these..ward on it. If You Know Who reared hsi annoying head, he'd be in a crap load of pain, or so I understand.
I'm seriously considering to ask that they do that to our place too. Make it a scantuary. Got to ask Alucard first. Still, don't know why HE's launging in the back on my head. it;s liek he WANTS me to ward our home. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 10:41pm 07/04/2005 |
| |
DA made LJ rounds, and now I gots me a Bio picture..and so does...You Know Who. Speeking of which...I'm seriously been thinking of seeking counsling..Not for Loki...Heck no. I'm not crazy. But for my..other issues. I know Alucard doesn't mind them...but I want to be better for him. I don't want to always be so messed up about getting tied down...or being left alone and ignored. I want to get over my abandonment issues. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 09:11pm 05/04/2005 |
| |
My mommy came to see me today. She came and she gave me an apologuy and my birthday present from her and Tsu. Shu gave me something too, a bit ago. A lab coat. A lab coat that actually fits me. And Jez. She set up the..trust fund for me. So between her and Tsu and Alucard's parents, I nwo have two trust funds. Would you beleive that? When I reach 21, I will have more money than I have ever seen in my entire life.
But, I'm still going to work. I reall really like my new job. I liek the University Cham Lab, even if it is subpar to mine. I enjoy showing those braniacs they don't know jack and shit about Chemistry. Only half a week on the job, and I've already made that lab MINE. So, now I have two. Though the one at home will always be better.
Why am I keeping it? That's simp,le. Because Alucard and Vali. Because my two most favorite people in the whole world coem and pick me up and walk me home after work. So, no matter how large those trust funds turn out to be, I'm freaking working! I'm working so I can meet him at the gates of the school and so that I can walk home with the man I love and our baby.
-Laars
p.s.
Things to do list... Give Vali a bath.
Me and him and hopefully Alucard, if he consints to it...We need a picture together. A family picture. My first family picture ever. I want it to be with them. It'll be wonderful if I could have that. I'll put it in the vert first slot in my wallet and treasure it. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 06:33pm 02/04/2005 |
| |
and just when I thought I was better and happy again..I take this thing...Note to self: personlaity quizes suck massive ass...
and here's why...
Advanced Global Personality Test Results | Extraversion | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Stability | |||||| | 23% | | Orderliness | |||| | 13% | | Empathy | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Interdependence | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Intellectual | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Mystical | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Artistic | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Religious | |||| | 16% | | Hedonism | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Materialism | |||||| | 30% | | Narcissism | |||||| | 23% | | Adventurousness | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Work ethic | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Self absorbed | |||||||||| | 36% | | Conflict seeking | || | 10% | | Need to dominate | |||||||||||| | 43% | | | Romantic | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Avoidant | |||||| | 30% | | Anti-authority | |||||||||| | 36% | | Wealth | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Dependency | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Change averse | |||||| | 23% | | Cautiousness | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Individuality | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Sexuality | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Peter pan complex | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Physical security | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Food indulgent | |||||||||| | 36% | | Histrionic | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Paranoia | |||||| | 30% | | Vanity | |||||||||| | 36% | | Hypersensitivity | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Female cliche | |||||||||||| | 50% | |
| Take Free Advanced Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.comtrait snapshot: craves attention, messy, open, rash, irritable, likes large parties, low self control, weird, fragile, does not like to be alone, emotionally sensitive, worrying, depressed, heart over mind, does not respect authority, dependent, not rule conscious, not good at saving money, more interested in relationships than intellectual pursuits, likes to fit in, very social, frequently second guesses self, phobic, suspicious, not careful, outgoing, vain, compassionate, aggressive, likes to make fun, hates to lose You bet your ass I don't like to be alone. Hello. Autophobic, Isolophobic, Monophobic. All of those...Fear of being alone. Athazagoraphobic too- Fear of being forgotton or ignored. We won't even going to my Merinthophobia (fear of being bound or tied up). There you go..Stupid test. I'm phobic too...see. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
| 01:57am 02/04/2005 |
| |
I..I can't fucking beleive it..I just can't... I..I slept. I slept my whole fucking birthday away. And..I'm..I'm going back to sleep some more. Damn it..Damn it to hell. I knew this would happen. I just knew it. It was all too damned good to be true! Fucking hate this.
If you want to see me..I'll be on tomorrow..but I'm not a happy guy. Can't beleive I did this to myself. Why can't I..just get what I want..Just once!! Gods Damn it all!! I'm going to bed! And I'm taking Vali with me! |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
laarsdasmesser's journal